Trek Dirty to Me: 71 days until I head to Mt. Katahdin, and everybody wants me to hike THEIR OWN HIKE!

If one ever considers a thru-hike (particularly one of the big ones like the Appalachian Trail, Pacific Crest Trail, or Continental Divide Trail), you will encounter the saying “Hike your own hike” or “HYOH.” This means that everybody has a different reason to hike, a different style, different constraints, different needs, different means, different vices or lack thereof, or really different everything.

One thing you will encounter pretty early on when you dip your footsie into the online community of thru-hikers (in this case, the “Appalachian Trail Thru-Hikers Class of 2020” Facebook Group, but really any of the groups with a few thousand folks with indispensable expert advice), you quickly realize that the saying must be “HMFHYI” or “Hike my fucking hike you idiot!” and not, in fact, HYOH.

[…]You quickly realize that the saying must be “HMFHYI” or “Hike my fucking hike you idiot!” and not, in fact, HYOH.

Hey! I did politics and government for twenty years and quite literally evolved in my career with the evolution of the Internet. I was one of the first with a Facebook and Twitter account (the latter of which is garbage in my opinion). I have dealt with trolls, “experts,” and all sorts of angry or enlightened folks over the interwebs for two decades (the 2000 US Presidential Election really was a blast during the early days of Web 2.0), and I generally give zero fucks.

You know who do give a certain amount of fucks though? People brand new to this hiking and backpacking thing. Kids and retirees alike with dreams of hiking the AT (or other trails), and with few resources or experience available to them (other than the general cesspool of opinions on the Internet), rely on these groups for honest and constructive feedback. Oops…

As a general rule of life, we need not be dicks to one another and thus you yourself should abstain from being a dick. I can’t imagine how many newbies have given up their thru-hiking dreams because zee experts in these groups basically called them morons and that they were going to die and fail on the trail with their plans. I have been a member of these groups for maybe a week, and I cannot tell you how many times I have seen other members DESTROY first-time hikers because of something that they wanted to put into their packs, on their feet or on their body. I mean…DESTROY. Okay Sharon, I love that journey for you.

I have been a member of these groups for maybe a week, and I cannot tell you how many times I have seen other members DESTROY first-time hikers because of something that they wanted to put into their packs, on their feet or on their body. I mean…DESTROY. Okay Sharon, I love that journey for you.

This is not to say that some people recognize legitimate requests for help and information and offer constructive and useable advice. You all rock for keeping the dream of the Internet alive for its goal of connecting humans and spreading cat videos!

So, below, is my attempt to help those who may not understand what constructive advice and input looks like.

Let’s begin with the post that started it all as I was looking for input, additions, and such for my hiking plan (that was clearly stated to be flexible in the post, has ample days of rest and a more than realistic daily mile counter, and the reasons why I needed a plan and why I couldn’t just hike day-to-day). You know…so that I could “Hike my own hike.” I have included constructive input (thanks Internet unicorns!!!!), but let us start with a few of the “not so helpful” variety.

The post that started it all about 12 hours after I shared it on the board. 125 comment! Wowza!!!

And then…

Broseph posted this about 20 seconds after I shared. Did you even do the assigned reading!!!???? HYOH Broseph!

…and then…

I love that journey for you. And how awkward would it be if these dudes crossed paths with somebody hiking to raise awareness for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? HYOH bros!

…and then…

Expert feedback Broskie! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. Life saver!!! HYOH Broskie!

…and finally…

Time and space are just a construct, Brody. MAJOR FAIL!!! HYOH Brody!!!

I think I finally understand! I fixed it to adequately reflect all you have taught me. #blessed

And half/half?

What if God was one of us? I think she would think I’m hilarious. And, wait! What!?!? I’m not a unique flower? Other people actually have done this??? Thank you for letting the rest of the class know, but I doubt they are listening. HYOH!!!

And now for the ones who get how the whole support group thing is supposed to work.

OMG!!! You mean the dude who quite literally WROTE THE BOOK on hiking the AT has THREE of these!!???!!! It’s a good thing I used it as a reference to create my plan. You get an A, but I doubt the rest of the class was listening.

And these guys geeking out to different attacks on certain routes is what this whole endeavor was all about! I salute you Capts. Brotastic and Brotabulous! I could watch these guys talk about elevation gains and losses and when to hike all day. :)

Finally…I don’t really understand the words coming out of her mouth…but it seems helpful…

My lady gets a gold star for clearly doing the reading and being way smarter than the teacher. I’m going to have to make you skip a few grades.

And voila!! How to not be helpful and how to be helpful. For thru-hiking neophytes: there are diamonds in the rough when it comes to folks able to give you advice, you just have to shovel through a whole bunch of bullshit, snobbery and sometimes bullying to get there. But hey! That’s the Internet for you in a nutshell.

And for those who lasted this long…

-AJ

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